look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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