my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
