my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
