U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
