somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
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