He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
