You just made me feel so damn special
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
