I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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