i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Do vagina's smell?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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