Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
