I'm lost and stupid without you.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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