Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The feeling are messing with the penis
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
