Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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