Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
