He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
