I think I won the penis lottery.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
