I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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