Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
