girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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