did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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