My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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