we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
