Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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