booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize