"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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