You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
