So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
