I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
