you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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