The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
