I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
