I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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