Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
