I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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