I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
