dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
