I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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