I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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