Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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