I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
