well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
