She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
