The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My life is pants optional.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
