This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
