u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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