we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
