Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
