I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
