put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Will exercising make me less horny?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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