i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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