Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
