Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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