Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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