i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
