you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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