does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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