Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
