College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
