You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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