First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
