Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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