I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
