dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
