don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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