Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
