i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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