that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
even my farts smell like vagina
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
