Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
