She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
