U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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