I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
