i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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